You’re Worth It! How to Feel Self-Worth (Even When It’s Hard)
Do you struggle to feel your self-worth? Have you ever looked at someone else and thought, “She’s doing it so much better than I am?”
If you’re struggling with self-worth, I’m happy to explore with you! I offer coaching services for women who need someone in their corner. Let me help you discover your happiest best self! Schedule a free consultation call HERE.
Maybe you think, “She’s a better mom; her house is way cleaner than mine. She accomplishes so much and does it all with a smile. She has an exciting career, and mine is boring. She’s a better wife—I bet she and her husband NEVER argue.”
…And the list goes on and on!
Are you tired of getting stuck in a comparison trap, where you look at others and feel you don’t measure up? Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone! I’ve coached hundreds of women like you, who feel the exact same way you do. The comparison trap is very real. It’s easy for us to compare ourselves with others and see them as perfect. We feel like we’re inadequate, and it deeply and negatively impacts our self-worth.
If you’re struggling with self-worth, I’m happy to explore with you! I offer coaching services for women who need someone in their corner. Let me help you discover your happiest best self! Schedule a free consultation call HERE.
Where Does Our Lack of Self-Worth Come From?
Do you ever wonder where a lack of self-worth comes from? Why do you start comparing yourself with friends, neighbors, and coworkers in the first place? Why do you feel like you don’t measure up? Is it really because others have more talent, are smarter, prettier, or kinder than you?
Interestingly, those self-defeating thoughts really don’t have anything to do with any of those other people—no matter how amazing and perfect they seem. Negative self-talk comes from our very own internal monologues. Lack of self-worth stems from a belief deep down that you aren’t good enough. Surely, those other women must be worth more than you because their lives appear so much better. You’re not “worthy” of good things because you’re not enough.
My friend, I’m here to tell you that simply isn’t true.
“None of us come to earth to gain our worth. We brought it with us,” said Sheri L. Dew in her book No One Can Take Your Place.
You see, everyone on the entire planet earth is of equal value. As daughters of our Heavenly Father, we are created in our heavenly parents’ image. We are divine, simply by our very existence. We are worthy, and we have individual worth.
What we do or don’t do doesn’t have any effect on that value, either. You brought your infinite worth with you on the day you were born, and you carry that individual worth with you throughout your life, no matter what. No one can take that away, and nothing you do can lessen your value as a human being.
Why Self-Worth Matters
Why is it so important that we realize just how important we are? Why do we need self-esteem anyway?
In his address on the Value of Self-Esteem, LDS President James E. Faust explains why self-worth matters so much, “Self-esteem goes to the very heart of our personal growth and accomplishment. It is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our self-approval or disapproval and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure. It is a protection against excessive self-deception, self-distrust, self-reproach, and plain old-fashioned selfishness.”
You see, self-worth matters, not because we’re thinking, “I’m so much better than others,” but instead, self-value is the opposite of that belief. It’s believing that we’re all equally worthy, important, and have equal value both to ourselves and in the eyes of the Lord. Because we’re divine, we’re awesome! We’re an incredible miracle! Our very existence is phenomenal!
LDS President Thomas S. Monson shared that “the worth of a human soul is its capacity to become as God.”
Once you can see how amazing you are right now, in this very moment, simply by being you, your entire perspective on life will change too. Your approach to others will shift. You’ll feel lighter, happier. Other people’s opinions of you won’t matter so much.
When you realize your self-worth, those perfect mommy Instagram posts and Pinterest boards won’t make you feel defeated. You won’t scroll through social media, feeling like you’re never enough—like your to-do list is long and overwhelming.
When you experience a lack of self-worth, you get caught in those comparison traps of FOMO, and “I wish I was like her.” But the truth is that everyone is on their own journey. When you’re comparing yourself to others, you’re passing judgment on both them and you. We’ve all heard “judge not,” and yet, many of us continue to be our own harshest critics.
Your inner judge assesses others to be better than you or have different abilities, strengths, talents, and skills. You may feel you’re judging them positively, but you’re still making a comparison. When you remember that each of us is on our own path, it can help quiet that inner judge. Your accumulation of different experiences and challenges has shaped you into a completely unique person. Your inherent self-value doesn’t change with experience—it’s constant.
When you realize your self-worth, something amazing happens, too; you begin to see the inherent value of those around you as well. Not for what they do or how perfect they are, but simply because they’re human beings with value—and yes, even if they’re rude, arrogant, or annoying. When you realize your self-worth, you automatically quiet that internal judge. You’re more loving, kinder, and more understanding of the challenges that others might be experiencing too.
If you’re struggling with self-worth, I’m happy to explore with you! I offer coaching services for women who need someone in their corner. Let me help you discover your happiest best self! Schedule a free consultation call HERE.
Your Self-Value Is Internal
Almost everything in the world tells us that external factors determine our self-value. We gain self-worth from what we’ve done, how we look, what we’ve achieved, what we own. We see it on TV shows; we see it in magazines. We hear about it on social media. Messages everywhere tell us how we can be better, do better, look better if we only do, buy, or get X.
Your self-value and self-worth aren’t determined by external measures at all. It has nothing to do with outward appearances. It’s not the size or shape of your body, your appearance, or your abilities. It’s not how you look, how stylish you are, how fit you are, or how straight your smile is. It has nothing to do with perfectly white teeth, fashion, or shiny, thick hair.
Your worldly status doesn’t determine your value and self-worth. It doesn’t matter how much education you have or whether you attended an ivy league college (or any college at all). Your individual worth has nothing to do with your job, your title, or even your salary. It’s not determined by owning a perfect home or even a clean home. Your bank account has nothing to do with your self-value; neither does your debt or your zip code.
Your self-value doesn’t come from your relationships, either. It doesn’t come from your marriage or having a perfect relationship with your spouse. It doesn’t come from being the ideal daughter (or daughter-in-law). Your individual worth isn’t based on being an amazing, selfless sister or a cool aunt. Your worthiness doesn’t come from being a mom. It has nothing to do with the choices your children make, how they behave, or what they do.
I know this concept can be hard to grasp sometimes, mainly because we live in a world that tells us that our self-worth should be all about what we do and how we look. Many of us have heard the message our entire lives (so it’s not going to go away with one blog post or even one coaching session). Billboards, advertisements, and social media tell us that we should have a high bar. Everywhere we turn, others seem to be worth more than us.
But it’s not true—our worth comes from who we inherently are. We were born with individual worth simply because we are human beings. The more you focus on that idea, meditate about it, pray about it, and let it sink in, the better you’ll get at countering the message that the world sends us. We are each worthy, simply because we are us!
If you’re struggling with self-worth, I’m happy to explore with you! I offer coaching services for women who need someone in their corner. Let me help you discover your happiest best self! Schedule a free consultation call HERE.
The Two $100 Bills: Which One is Worth More?
If you’re still skeptical about the idea of self-worth, or you’re thinking, “Yes, but this doesn’t apply to me—I’ve got a lot of baggage. I’m so far from worthy. I’ve done things I’m ashamed of,” I want to share a story.
Once upon a time, there were two $100 bills. They were both printed in the same batch, on the exact same printing press at the US treasury. These two bills entered circulation on the same day.
A few years down the road, one of the bills isn’t looking so hot anymore. It’s torn a little on the edges and stained. On top of looking ragged, this bill was used to buy all sorts of undesirable items. It paid for drugs and prostitutes. People used it for gambling and in slot machines. It was used to bring unhappiness into the world. This bill was then wadded up in the bottom of a purse, along with gum wrappers, cigarettes, and cracker crumbs. For a while, it was even completely forgotten. It looks wrinkled and worn out.
The other $100 bill is still perfectly crisp and clean. It was saved and kept neatly folded in a wallet. Eventually, it was used to purchase much-needed, healthy groceries. Then the bill was donated to charity as a gift to help others. Recently, a young mom used the bill to buy a brand-new bike for her child’s birthday! It brought joy to people’s lives and made the world a better place.
So now, let’s put these two $100 bills side by side and compare: which one is worth more? Will one buy more than the other? Will stores still let you spend them both? If I handed you the wrinkly, mistreated $100 bill, would you still take it? I know I would! It’s $100!
The condition and appearance of the bill don’t determine its worth. What it’s been used for in the past doesn’t matter. That doesn’t change its worth or make it worth less than the crisp new bill. The value of the bill lies solely in the fact that it’s a $100 bill. That’s it. Just as your worth and value rely entirely on the fact that you are YOU.
We may worry that we’ve been through things. Maybe we’ve made some poor choices in the past or buckled under certain challenges. Perhaps you’ve had experiences or taken actions you feel guilty about or sorry for. You may think that these things detract from your value.
Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D. and author of the book, Getting Back Up When We Let Ourselves Down, writes, “Self-forgiveness requires a mature understanding of the purpose of life, which is not to get back to God in the same state of innocence and purity we were in when we left Him. Rather our charge here is to learn the compassion, humility, discipline, and understanding of good and evil that come only with experience and risk, failure, and resilience.”
In other words, your mistakes and bad experiences help you become stronger and more compassionate. You can take those feelings of guilt or shame and instead reflect on how much they’ve taught you. These negative moments don’t take away from your worth. They give you more understanding of yourself and more empathy for others.
If you’re struggling with self-worth, I’m happy to explore with you! I offer coaching services for women who need someone in their corner. Let me help you discover your happiest best self! Schedule a free consultation call HERE.
Believing in What You’re Worth
Your self-worth is based only on you. It doesn’t have to do with how you measure up to others, how you look compared to those around you, your past, or what you do today. Self-worth is intrinsic to each of us. Our value is innate.
Your self-worth doesn’t come from your marriage or your children. It doesn’t come from your to-do list. Your self-value isn’t determined by your job, how much you earn, or what you own. Your worth has nothing to do with your looks, your dress size, or your hairstyle. You have value simply because you are yourself.
When you catch yourself thinking of how you don’t quite measure up, struggling with self-doubt and guilt, or find yourself comparing your worth to those around you, think of the two $100 bills. No matter what they went through, their worth was only based on the fact that they were $100 bills. It had nothing to do with their experiences, what they were used to buy, or how they were treated. Even if they weren’t in the same crisp condition, they were both worth the exact same amount.
You have value and self-worth because you are a human being. You were born with fundamental value and will carry it with you throughout your life.
Recent Comments