Are you trying to move past a negative body image? Here’s how focusing on self-care can help you in the struggle for better self-esteem.
Do you have a negative body image? Do you struggle to “like” your body or to feel good about yourself?
We ALL feel this way from time to time. Here at Heather Rasband Coaching, we focus on all aspects of health and wellness—mental, social, spiritual, and physical health. Each of our health systems affects the other, and ideally, we strike a healthy balance between them. But each aspect of our complete health is a work in progress. None of us is perfectly balanced in every area of mental, physical, spiritual, or social health, and that’s totally okay—that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Today, I want to address physical health and how much our mental health affects our physical body. If you’re trying to move past a negative body image, here’s how to get started.
Why the Struggle with Negative Body Image is Real
Did you know that approximately 91% of women dislike their bodies?!
Shocking, right? That’s pretty much every woman you know! Chances are, like that 91%, you probably fall into negative self-talk and beat yourself up from time to time. Many of us tell ourselves that we’re fat and ugly daily. We say things internally we’d never say to another human being, let alone a friend.
As we’re beating ourselves up, we’re probably wondering why we can’t motivate ourselves to eat better, exercise, or take better care of ourselves. For many of us, it’s because we lack feelings of self-worth. We aren’t prioritizing our self-care and making time to nurture and nourish ourselves.
If there’s one thing that I want to share with you today, it’s this: we can’t make a healthy change when we’re coming from a place of hate.
Hating our bodies and our appearance hurts us more than we realize. When we carry a negative body image, we’re damaging ourselves. When we try to make changes from a place of negative emotions such as disgust, dislike, hate, feelings of inadequacy, or self-loathing, we might see some progress at first. However, that progress will feel like a punishment. Eventually, we just can’t punish ourselves anymore, and we slip back into old patterns of comfort and familiarity.
It becomes a cycle. We’re angry and disappointed with ourselves because, once again, we couldn’t make changes, so we keep beating ourselves up even more. Does this pattern sound familiar to you? I get it! I’ve been there too.
Changing from a Place of Love
Imagine instead that you start making changes to your health from a place of love. What if you began to love your body no matter its shape or size? What if you marveled at the things your body could do? What if you thought of nourishing and strengthening your body because you adored what an amazing creation it was?
Your body is a miraculous creation whose purpose is to allow you to experience the world fully. Your body is THE crowning creation of all God’s creations. You are made in His image. Your body is the most complex machine, comprehensive computer, and innovative instrument on the planet. Your body is fantastic!
When you don’t love your body, especially when you loathe your body, it holds you back. You don’t get to fully experience all the joys and excitement that the world can offer. Instead, we drown ourselves in negative self-talk and beat ourselves up.
Do you ever say things to yourself like the following?
- I need new jeans, but I don’t want to buy them until I lose weight! I’m too fat right now.
- It would be fun to go to the pool with my kids, but I don’t want anyone to see me in a swimsuit!
- I would be so much happier if I had a smaller nose. I HATE my nose.
- I can’t wear sandals; my toes are way too ugly.
This negative self-talk eats away at our body image and self-esteem each day. When we look in the mirror and only see what we don’t like, we’re damaging ourselves. We all fall prey to these thoughts at some point, but when you catch yourself doing it, stop!
Think about what you would say to your best friend. Would you confirm she shouldn’t wear sandals? Would you tell her to skip the pool? No! Of course not! You would see her beauty and encourage her to love herself. Be that kind of friend to yourself too.
A Tale of Cankles
Let me get real for a minute. I have thick ankles. Tree-trunk calves. “Cankles.”
I didn’t know I had thick ankles until I was about 12. From that point on, I spent a serious amount of time worrying about the circumference of my ankles. I tried wearing my socks in different ways to hide them. I kept my pants rolled down.
I have a photo of myself in Florida with my high school cheer team. There I am wearing ankle socks with sandals (which were NOT in style) to disguise my “horrible” cankles. Now that I look at that photo, I realize that the socks only brought more attention to my ankles. I was the only girl in the picture with socks and sandals!
Now, why do I tell you this? I let my ankles create a lot of self-doubt in my life. I missed out on so much joy and experiences because of my body image issues. I didn’t wear those cute flip-flops or fashionable sandals because I was too busy being self-conscious about my silly ankles.
Honestly, only a few people ever said anything about them (mostly careless comments from kids). If others noticed, they didn’t seem to care—I mean, who is going around noticing other people’s ankles?!
Today I can’t say that I love my ankles. But I don’t think about them anymore. I wear whatever shoes I want, and I NEVER wear socks with my sandals. I decided that I wasn’t going to let the size of my ankles define me. It’s just how my body is put together, and I get to decide what I want to think about it.
Loving Your Body by Caring for It
Now, accepting my thick ankles doesn’t mean that I’m promoting the idea of treating your body like crap and using the excuse of, “that’s just how my body is put together.” We still must nourish our bodies and practice self-care. When we love them, we want to treat our bodies with respect.
Overeating, doing drugs, overdrinking, and living a sedentary lifestyle isn’t loving your body. When you truly love your body, you want what’s best for it. You want to keep it healthy and strong—feeding yourself good, nutritious food and moving your body because it feels good.
When you love your body, you take care of it and support it. You appreciate what your body can do, what it has done, and what it will do for you down the road. Your body is amazing!
So go on, put on your favorite outfit, fix your hair, and swipe on some lipstick. Give yourself a big old smile in the mirror and say, “I love you!”
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